01.13.2025 Two significant realizations came today. First, I’ve seen the illusion in linking divine love or grace with the magnitude of material or personal benefit. I once felt deeply connected to the divine when I believed great rewards were coming—enough to even consider generous giving. But now, as the actual outcome appears much smaller and unlikely to improve anything, I notice my experience of divine love has diminished too. This reveals my ignorance. Clearly, I don’t understand divine love if I can shrink it to match a result. My true place is one of detachment from benefit, grateful simply to be alive and present.
Second, during my morning meditation, I focused on touching each mala bead with full “now” awareness. My goal was to observe what happens when a thought pulls me away entirely. Each bead called for focus; interruptions—whether random or even inspired—were set aside. Even a mental vision of the Dalai Lama chanting “Om Mani Padme Hum” was gently let go. That’s when I noticed the precise moment of losing focus. The practice dropped me into a trance-like state, touching the deeper layers of self beyond conscious effort—like entering theta brain waves. These inner states need to be integrated with awareness—to come home.